Dog Mentality: A newsletter from a Birds fan abroad (or at least outside of Philadelphia)

Week 2: “Eagles vs Vikings”

Week 2 is when a season’s myths are born. We can’t help ourselves — people already calling the Super Bowl. When playoff slots are decided in the winter, talking heads will look back to Week 2 games like archaeologists and attempt to parse out meaning from the then ancient signs.

Luckily, the NFL kept the theme. There were heinous comebacks, superhero origin story performances, and let downs so confusing people are calling Joe Burrow personally and asking if he’s okay. So without further ado, let’s get into this very big weekend.

Birds Beat the Vikings: 24-7 (2-0)

In Norse mythology, Odin, king of the Viking gods (called the Aesir), often turned himself into an eagle in order to fly into the mortal realm to fill up on a magic elixir that kept him forever young. So ye ole Vikings behaved like their boss turned up in the breakroom whenever they saw an eagle overhead. They could never be sure if it was just a bird in the sky or the king of the gods.

Unfortunately for the Minnesota Vikings, they thought the Philly Eagles were just another dumb bird in the clouds, but instead Odin showed up at The Linc. Sirianni’s berserkers looked mean. After a week of “they only beat the Lions” and other doubtful takes, the Birds showed up to their home opener and cleaned house.

They outran (163 rushing yards to the Vikings’ 62), outthrew (323 passing yards to the Vikings’ 202), and outscored (obviously) the horned purple people eaters. Last week, your dear correspondent asked if the Eagles, for once, could just kill another team. This week we gave the Minnesota Vikings the veritable “blood eagle” (a grisly traditional Viking execution) on primetime no less.

T.B.T. (The Big Take)

Jalen Hurts is the truth.

To the uninitiated, Philly fans are a particularly special breed of skeptical. There’s an almost cliche joke about fans behaving like they're ready to hurl themselves off the Ben Franklin Bridge even if the team is up. To be fair to the fan base I’m proud to be a part of, I get it.

I learned where the deep distrust comes from in the ‘12-’13 season. That year, the Iggles started 3-1 and finished 4-12. And one of their victories was over that year’s Super Bowl Champions, The Baltimore Ravens. Yeesh.

All of this to say, fans who may or may not have “seen enough yet” after last year’s odd 9-8 season (which finished in public embarrassment at the hands of The Tampa Bay Toms in the playoff’s participation trophy round) can be forgiven for withholding unbridled admiration for the young QB. However, any Philly Scrooge who doesn’t believe anymore needs to be visited by three ghosts and learn the true meaning of Christmas, or how to stop worrying and actually trust their QB.

Sure, after last season, folks nursed concerns about his passing ability. But after this week — what’s in doubt?

Hurts did it all. A perfect 5/5 opening drive ending in a rushing touchdown. A deep shot to Watkins for another tuddy. And that run. Hurts turned a 3&2 QB sneak into a 26 yard rushing touchdown. He even kept his knees up under three defenders to secure the score. It’s the stuff legends are made of. He’s my guy and frankly the city he calls home better be dishing out the Brotherly Love.

Defense and other things

Say it with me now: Darius. Slay. Jr.

“The older you get, they think you’re falling off, but I am not one of those guys. I’m still at an elite level.” — Slay, Jr. (via NBC Sports Philadelphia).

All week the talking heads, fantasy football chats (mine’s called “Taylor’s Bye Week”), and armchair quarterbacks asked the same question: how are the Birds going to answer Justin Jefferson? I mean the Eagles passed on him in the draft for Stone Hands aka Jalen Reagor (now a Viking ironically. The boos he received on Monday from Philly fans broke into the broadcast audio). Surely that’s enough bad mojo to signal a box office performance from the Viking’s wide out on MNF.

Well, Siriannia and co had the answer. He costs $17 million dollars (worth it!). He blew up 2 touchdown attempts with 2 end zone interceptions. He earned himself free lap dances for life when he gave James Harden an intercepted game ball. And when he covered Jefferson he relegated the WR 1 to a measly 1 catch for 5 yards.

Say it again: Darius. Slay. Jr.

The rest of the defense looked strong too. Maddox picked off a pass intended for Thielen and after getting beaten by the Lion’s O-line last week, defensive coordinator Jonathan Gannon went guns blazing on blitzing. Cousins got drilled by Fletcher Cox for a sack. I wonder if guys like Cox haunt QB’s dreams like Freddy Krueger.

On the offensive front, it was fantastic to see the coaching staff leveraging their running core for important gains. Also, building from last week’s discussion about AJ Brown, he is definitely looking like an edge player. The Vikings secondary’s attempts to keep him under wraps created a solar system of space for Watkins, Smith, and TE Goedert.

Last thoughts: your dear correspondent isn’t thrilled about the Bird’s score free second half. Not to rain on the fun parade, but we’ll face nastier teams down the line then the current Vikings administration. If Week 2 taught us anything, a 17 point lead ain’t enough in today’s NFL.

Finally, it is only Week 2. While positive hype is wonderful, I will be reserving my final call on a possible Super Bowl run until after Week 8.

NFC East Shuffle

• New York Giants (2-0)

  • Danny Dimes beats Baker

  • This team is going to be gross, not great, but dangerous

  • Expect more upsets as long as Saquon remains healthy

• Washington Commanders (1-1)

  • The Lion’s offense did a phenomenal job of beating The Commanders

  • I actually watched this game – Wentz is like a wounded animal at this stage of his career, he’s still capable of some serious slings when cornered

  • Seriously, he has 7 passing touchdowns (so does Josh Allen, Mahomes, and Tua)

  • He’s also thrown for 650 yards — second highest in the league currently

• Dallas Cowboys (1-1)

  • Mike McCarthy doesn’t need to list the house yet

  • Who’s Cooper Rush? I still don’t know, but he gave the Ewing Theory believers new life

  • I’d rather walk across hot coals than be anywhere near Jerryland when The Boys beat last year’s Super Bowl contenders

Hot takes and hotter questions

• This week I learned Joe Flacco is not only still alive, he’s also capable of leading The Jets (THE JETS) to a 14 point comeback in the 4th for a win. Are The Jets good?

• Mahomes is not only great, but like most QBs with winning records, he’s also very, very lucky.

• WWE President Vince McMahon should give Chargers Safety Derwin James a call. The guy body slammed Kelce so hard, my back hurts.

• Aaron Rodgers loves beating The Bears. Like a lot.

• The Colts suck.

• Justin Jefferson may be asking for a trade in the near future.

• Is Tom Brady football’s new Sith Lord? Does anyone else suspect he chirped at Lattimore with the hopes of getting the guy ejected? Why else does a 45 year old man engage in shit talking?

• I feel very sorry for Trey Lance. I can’t imagine what I'd do if my fingers exploded. Obviously it’s not even remotely the same (I write for free for example), but losing the ability to do what you love due to injury sucks.

• That said, at least 49er fans don’t have to suffer through another “who is San Francisco’s” quarterback news cycle. I have it on good authority from a dear friend that it got old quick.

• Raiders fans are once again, dealing with Raiders fan things.

• In the latest season of “Hard Knocks” there’s a scene where Detroit Lions WR Amon-Ra St. Brown recites, by name, every single WR who went above him in the draft. Based on his Week 2 performance, clearly, this guy’s not fucking around.

• Did The Browns really think the creepy field elf was a good idea? Or did they just want the news to stop talking about Watson?

• The Bills will be blowing through teams all season. They should start giving opposing teams adult diapers, honestly.

• Joe Burrow is so skilled and so cool he made everybody forget Zac Taylor is an awful head coach.

• The Rams’ victory didn’t shake the Super Bowl hangover, they beat The Falcons. Your medal is in the mail guys.

• Now that the Angel’s are officially out of the MLB playoffs, Mike Trout is likely buying tickets to Birds games.

Dog(s) of the Week

• Jalen Hurts and Darius Slay Jr. (obviously).

• Justin Herbert. The guy shook off a rib injury after like 2 plays to throw darts. He’s got that dog in him for sure.

• Mike Evans. Evans didn’t even hesitate. He saw his QB in trouble and proceeded to drop Lattimore and get himself a one game suspension. When questioned about it on the field he responded: “It's Tom Brady -- what do you want me to do?”

• Special shout-out to Travis Kelce for appearing in the Linc in his brother’s jersey. What a cool guy.

Wins and Losses

• Loss: In Week 1’s edition a took a cheap shot for a joke about Tua being overrated. Big mistake. Did the Ravens secondary collapse in on itself like a blackhole? Yes. But did Tua capitalize for a legendary 4th quarter comeback. Also yes.

Coming Up

The Eagles face down the Commanders. I cannot shake the feeling that Wentz is going to play like the Hulk. Expect next week’s newsletter to dive into the life and times of the redheaded fury.